Anxiety attacks are shit. Glad this one has mostly passed but I still don't feel too good. Sometimes I just suddenly realize how fucking ugly I am and how fucked up my head is and why, and it all just comes over me like a wave and makes me feel like I'm drowning. There's a part of me that tells me (right now) that I'm good for nothing and will never be. That I'm nothing more than a painfully average fat little girl who nobody can ever truly love. There's a me that's constantly screaming to me, with the spite and pity and anger of my parents and every single bully, shit friend and abuser combined, from the top of their lungs... And another me who tells me to "just get over it" because it's not really that big a deal and I have no reason to feel bad... That I have no right to feel bad because my childhood was actually a happy one. The second one is basically the voice of my mother. And boy do I hate it sometimes.
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